Friday, March 7, 2008

Satanic Handmaidens of Waistband Destruction

I love spring. Daffodils, camellias, a balmy promise of warmer weather in the blossom-sweetened wind; it’s fantastic. There are now days nice enough that I happily run outside instead of thinking “gerbil, gerbil, gerbil” as I plod away on the treadmill (and okay, the treadmill does have the tawdry pleasure of being able to read trashy magazines, but outside is still better). But the thing I always seem to forget about spring? The damn girl scouts. And their pernicious ass-widening cookies from hell. And I just can’t not buy them. The kids are so cute. I know half of them. They’re so excited to be out there, Doing Their Part for their troop. Once I’ve bought a few boxes, I’m comfortable telling the girls that I’ve already bought some. But by then? The damage has been done. Because, there is simply no way I am not going to sit down one afternoon after a run, ravenous from having forgotten to eat lunch, and mindlessly snork down half a box (okay. 3/4). Uh, in theory. Because it would be disgusting if I actually did that, say, yesterday. And then it would be quite humiliating if Curly noticed that my breath smelled like Thin Mints when I kissed her hello while picking her up from school. This is why you should go to farmer’s markets instead of the grocery store, because at farmer’s markets, those adorable little girls looking to fatten you up to the tune of $4/box? They won’t be there. You’ll have the kale and goat cheese all to yourself. However, during the tenure of the midget cookie pushers, I coach hockey on Saturday mornings, when the University Farmer’s Market is in swing. And thus, I go to the grocery store. Where I am ambushed by a bunch of satanic squirts with big eyes and an irresistible sales pitch.

Dammit.

7 comments:

Maryann said...

Very funny and great title!
A good piece of writing here :)

cook eat FRET said...

do they dress up like big cookies and wear cookie hand gloves? cause they do here...

Susan from Food Blogga said...

This post made me giggle. :)

White On Rice Couple said...

What a funny post and a great read!!! I support my local girl scouts every year and always go through stick shock!!! I feel exactly the way you do...but they're all so cute!!

Meg said...

Maryann- thanks.

Claudia- Cookie hand gloves? That is hilarious. They go for the understated plea here, merit badge sashes on, the Brownies all dolled up in their uniforms.

Susan and white rice- glad to hear it made you smile.

Lesley said...

Ha! That's a hoot. I curse those girl scouts every spring as well...they do me in every time!

Meg said...

Lesley- I forget about them every year, too (one of the disadvantages of being absent-minded). So one day, all unsuspecting, I'll be walking to the store, and there they are, saying "Meg?"