Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Girl Scouts Help Me Make The Right Decision

Last year, I cursed the Girl Scouts for their pernicious, waistband-destroying cookies and the way they come around, so sweetly, to sell something that will make you a dress size that you don't wanna be. This year, after some reading and considering, I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe, the Girl Scouts are looking out for woman-kind in the face/ass decision (and, by default, for me as a role model).

There’s been a fair amount of comments and articles floating around about the face/ass aging decision: who chose their face, who chose their ass, and who looks better (pretty much always, always the people who chose their face). The New York Times actually ran an article (they did not call it: “To Look Younger: When Under 40, Choose Your Ass, After That, Fatten Up, Ladies” but should have) comparing twins, appearance and aging. The upshot was my alternate title. Decorno made an offhand comment about it recently, and The Accidental Housewife, not long ago, posted a frightening photograph (hey, you and your corneas have been warned) of Donatella Versace which demonstrated what she’s chosen and also, although she is mystifyingly fabulous simply by power of will, how simultaneously terrifying she is. Her skin looks sturdier than cured hides. I hope she’s got a dermatologist that’s really, really good at spotting melanoma early. Donatella? Sunscreen, baby. It’s your friend. Much, much better that you be as Oompa-Loompa orange as Signore Valentino than you look like an emaciated cordovan handbag come to life.

So… maybe the Girl Scouts are helping me make the right choice. Maybe they’re helping me set an example for my daughter of a woman who participates in athletics, and chooses her face over being a size 2 (I was a size 2 once, but it was after about 6 months of not eating due to a prolonged relationship with abusive pneumonia that just wouldn't get dumped). The Girl Scouts have clearly realized that women who choose their face over being the right dress size always, always look better, and that as role models, women who actually eat and don’t fuss over whether something has carbs or sugar are significantly better examples for the girls of today. Of any day. Also, they've obviously realized that there are significant profits to be made for marketing a feminist perspective that conveniently dovetails with women's desire to eat tasty cookies.

My agreement with them would explain why I spent Sunday eating half a box of Thin Mints. And more than a couple of Samoas. It’s because I’m working hard to be a good role model to my daughter. Also, I have recommitted, after seeing that photo of Ms. Versace, to the liberal use of sunscreen and carbs.

6 comments:

wide open spaces said...

love this.

thin mints, please.

frozen.

Krysta said...

oh yes another reason to eat gorl scout cookies.

chris said...

Haha. Poor Donatella. And I do not believe that she's only 52. How is that even possible.

Meg said...

wide open spaces- I keep hearing that they're good frozen. They just never last QUITE long enough around me for me to give them a spin that way.

Krysta- See? Good example. Or at least... being a good example is a great pretext for some happy pigging out.

Chris- that was a scary, scary picture of her. And yet... she is kind of fabulous by force of will. I have a weird soft spot for Donatella's ways of Crazy/Fab. She's never really gone for the natural look, even before she was a skinny walking handbag.

Iheartfashion said...

I'm pretty sure that photo was debunked, and turned out not to be of Donatella. Not to say she doesn't look equally terrifying, but I don't think she's been photographed in a bikini...

Meg said...

She is still kind of scary, even if that photo is excluded from the scary/not scary analysis. But I have to hand it to her, even if her skin looks like a cordovan shoe and her hair is freaky, she somehow makes it work and is bizarrely force-of-will fab.