Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Cage Match: Lobster vs. Gladiator

I persuaded my boy that replicating the uniform of a Manchurian banner man would be really tricky, and then veered off topic to talk about Roman centurions and gladiators… and I totally sucked the kid in and made him want to be a centurion. And we ordered a costume.That’s right: ordered. No sadistic mommy-version of Project Runway for Halloween, as we’ve had for too many years. Instead, I can watch my gladiator and lobster battle it out in their store-bought costumes, and I will have neither pierced fingers (sewing is not my forte) nor second-degree hot glue gun burns.

On the downside (and when you get down to it, utterly unrelated*, as, by the way, is the photo), I am concussed, and have a monster headache. Saturday night, during a hockey game, I got launched onto my head like a short Hispanic projectile. I don’t usually complain to refs, but this time I was all: Dude. PAY ATTENTION. Because although I am fine with them not calling all of the trips and hooks I get, and don’t get too fussed about the old clutch-and-grab or punching in the corner (which the refs can’t usually see, anyway, but is still considered Poor Etiquette, as is butt-ending, another tough-to-see cheapie), hitting from behind is not cool. In any league, checking or not (and old lady hockey is non-check). At all. And it was the reason I landed on my head. At any rate, my doctor has forbidden exercise of any sort for at least a week (cleaning the bathroom, it turns out, counts as exercise. I checked with my doctor. Heh.), and no hockey for two to three. Which is kind of a bummer, because I love to skate.

So while my brain tries to recover from being bounced extra-hard, I can at least happily contemplate an October free of sewing and hot-glue guns. And sort out a way to get the lobster to attack the gladiator, because that would be AWESOME.

And yes, my brain-bruising appears to have led to extra all-caps... ness. I’m pretty sure I can come up with a chart for Crappy! Chart! Thursday! that handicaps the lobster vs. gladiator cage match, and how it was totally worth the dent in my frivolous shoe budget.
*As long as I'm going for random bits of news, check out the shout-out Cake Wrecks got in the New York Times.


Anonymous said...

Hey - maybe you should drop the Lobster vs. Gladiator cage match idea on the Deadliest Warrior show - or were you just inspired by it ;-)

Meg said...

Deadliest Warrior? And they would consider something like a fight involving a gigantic lobster? That is pretty much the epitome of awesome. I think I NEED to see when it airs and watch it.

Anonymous said...

They probably would. These guys are science nerds built like athletes with a need for blood - they'd probably love the idea for a H'ween special. IEN says that it airs on Spike TV.
'Cuz doesn't everyone need to know how an Apache warrior would fair vs. a Roman Gladiator? ;-) AJD