Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Perils of Pauline, Part XXVIILC#$%^!@***%#&!

We've had several tough weeks in our house. 

Curly started having pain right before Thanksgiving. Because it was so very like the pain that started her ordeal, we started trudging back to her various doctors and surgeons. 

They weren’t quite sure if there was something good (but painful) happening, or if she was heading for Ordeal In The Hospital, Part II. 

After a couple of weeks of nerve-jangling worry, a trip to the ER (what’s more fun than the ER in the middle of the night? Lots of things!!) and a bucket of medical appointments, there was finally, finally clear evidence that Curly’s body was doing something good. Painful, yes, but good for her short and long-term health.

So... yay. I mean, really, yay. You might understand how my hallelujah or yay might sound rather wilted after several weeks of worry and an extended middle-of-the night ER visit (in which I briefly fell asleep seated, my head against her bed rail, which left an impressive dent in my forehead).

So how did Curly celebrate?

Why, in a flying trapeze show. With a theme of home-made superheroes. She was SuperGoat (superpower: ability to chew through anything).

As one does.

Also an event in which she BROKE HER HAND (clearly, her true superhero identity is as Danger! Mouse!).


The yay: this is motherfucking outpatient shit! And (excepting the "flying trapeze accident" part) totally normal childhood crap! And also, after about half a million bucks in ordeal-fueled medical bills (let's all shout an extra yay for insurance!), we won’t be paying out on the deductible!

The boo: notice the swearing? I AM SO READY NOT TO SEE ANY MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS FOR A LOOOOOOOONG TIME. I PROMISE I WILL NOT GO INTO WITHDRAWAL IF WE GO COLD TURKEY. No hold-me-down Haldol shots necessary if I don't chat about scans, labs or pain scales. Promise. Crikey. I have already met a significant number of medical professionals working at the local children's hospital. Booze donations accepted at my home (screw-top only, pleeeeeaaaase).